Struggling Today

I have been depressed and out of the the past two days, and very tired. Last night I actually got out of work early, but was too tired to go to my support group, and I needed to go. If my fellow "crazy people" won't understand what I am going through with medication, who will? And I need to talk about it, but there really isn't anyone to talk to who understands.

I think I need to take a break from going down any further. My irritable bowel syndrome is really bad again. My concentration is shot, I hardly wrote any notes at work in 2 days. My sleep is broken. My mood is going south. I have constant headaches.

But I'm not going back up. I am not giving in. If I go back up on the Effexor, I'll need another blood pressure medicine- I'm already maxed out on my ACE inhibitor. And there is no way I am going back up on the Zyprexa. If I have to hang out on 2.5mg for a while before I can get off of it, so be it, but I'm not going through this again.

I want to get away. I want to go backpacking. I don't know when that will happen, I don't have any time off until May. Maybe Sunday I will go hiking. But that means not doing a bunch of other things that need doing, and not studying. Still, I think I have to go.