Learning to live in the gray

My mood has been rocky recently, and I have to fight the thought that my depression is no better, because I really know that it is. But it isn't always. I have good times and bad times- before, it was pretty much all bad times, there weren't any good times.

I have to learn to accept that I can have these bad times but it isn't the end of the world. I am never going to be perfectly happy, and my brain knows all too well how to be depressed. But I can try to learn not to get caught up in the bad feelings, and to treasure the good feelings more. And that is what I am trying to do. 

It all sounds good, but it is hard. Because I know that this week my mood is worse than last week. And it is discouraging. I think it is partially the seasons changing. I think it is partially that my mom is still here. And maybe partially because I was trying to go down on the Effexor- but we cut it down by such a small bit, it shouldn't matter. However, I'm giving up on that.

And in 3 weeks I am going back to work! But I actually want to, I actually miss it. I'm just scared that this depression isn't done with me- that going back to work is going to bring it back full force. But otherwise, I really want to go back to work. Well, in 3 weeks. No need to rush things!

So probably 2 and a half more weeks of program. 2 and a half more weeks to learn DBT!