I was feeling very bad yesterday- after a string of bad days, and I realize that I had been making a lot of excuses for feeling bad. Really good excuses, but still. I was feeling bad. And I thought that yesterday I would take a little extra Zyprexa just to get me through the day. And then go back down to the lesser dose. And I felt so much better. Plus, I started to get things done- something I had given up on being able to do until Monday came.
So then last night I took the higher dose. I don't know. I do feel a little out of it at times- but not that much. And I was able to go grocery shopping, something I have not been able to do in the longest time. And I filled my prescriptions too. I got all my notes done at work- although I had a lot of time do do it (a light day).
I see my psychiatrist tomorrow. Do I want him to give me a script for 7.5mg? 5mg? Both? I don't know. I guess I go with the 7.5mg- and I can always cut them. Or I'll take both if he will give me scripts for both. But I really don't want both. I want this to be settled. I want to know what I need.
I went down to 5mg because I felt depressed again on 7.5mg for a couple of weeks. But really, that may have been triggered by going out of town and forgetting to bring some of my meds. Maybe I would have been doing fine otherwise. And it wasn't the Zyprexa that let me down. Obviously I'd like to be on less- if for no other reason than the risk of tardive dyskinesia. But I have been functional at the higher dose- but then, I think I am also sometimes a little spacy on it too.
I guess that is what my psychiatrist is for, to talk about these things. And see if he has any answers. But unfortunately, psychiatry is more art than science. And everything about these meds is a quality of life issue- which ultimately can only be determined only by the person taking them.
Is it so bad to need the higher dose? I understand completely not wanting to be on more than the bare minimum needed. And right now I'm on 4 mood stabilizers, an MAOI, a benzo, and possibly another psych med that I'm not remembering right now. If the meds were really working I'd not need all of it but nothing does fully work so for now I need the patchwork approach.
ReplyDeleteBut I also know that if the 3 lesser stabilzers were eliminated and I could just be on Seroquel I would have times that Seroquel could go down (like now. Even with everything it could go down a bit). Except that as soon as I cycle (which is every few days at best) then my med needs change and I'd be missing the med I had reduced and I'd have to wait 4 days for it to level off in my bloodstream. I wish I could adjust according to how I feel but it just isn't possible for me.
Is it possible you need the 7.5 to carry you through bad times even though you don't need it on good days?