I started feeling increasingly anxious and depressed as the day wore on today- despite being busy and productive at work. And I had a bunch of errands to do this evening as I am going away this weekend.
I went in to Panera bread for some soup and a sandwich, hoping to relax and feel better. I didn't. I decided to take a quarter of a milligram of klonopin. It helped.
I don't know. Should I just fight the anxiety? Try to push through on days like this? Just be miserable, and hope that in the long run it will make me a better person? Is taking the klonopin on days like this only giving me more days like this? I never know.
I think that if I take it too frequently, and give in too easily, it becomes a problem- it will actually start to affect my mood. Then again, my mood is not so good if I am taking it a lot, so I don't know which came first. But I also know that not taking it does not keep these days away, and that taking a tiny bit can be the difference between getting things done vs going home to be miserable.
And I did get a haircut, go shopping for presents for my niece, and do some grocery shopping. Not too bad for a work night for me. The only think I haven't managed to do is clean. I'm not that good. I'm going to get up early and see if I can clean a little before I leave. I get to see my niece this weekend!
2 comments:
Would you be more comfortable with something non-addictive? I got through quite a while using atarax (hydroxyzine I think; too little sleep to be sure). My doctor and I worked out a base dose that I took 3 times per day (very little in the morning and afternoon and a good bit more at night). I had a lot of leeway to take more and we got the pills in a very small dosage so that I could take several 10 mg pills or I could take one.
I think that worked for a year or two and then I took hydroxyzine with klonopin PRN for a while and then needed klonopin all the time which I'm actually fine with. When I was in the hospital suicidal they took me off it for safety and I had to prove myself to get slowly back on it. My quality of life suffered greatly so I know I need it (and it was way past any withdrawls).
I don't really care about the addiction potential- I have used klonopin enough to think I will not get addicted to it. I just wonder about using prn meds. Maybe I should be finding a better way to cope, etc. But then again, I am already taking daily meds, so why should I have a problem with prn meds? It is all about quality of life.
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