Better today at times? I think a little bit, some of the time

This is not saying a lot. Things are still very bad. But I'll take any improvement I can take, even if it only comes in bits and pieces- between my periods in which I feel so depressed I think I will collapse, and then when I started feeling agitated and like I am screaming inside.

I am limiting my klonopin use to the half milligram that I am prescribed (I take half of that at night, and half mid-day when the screaming becomes too intense). I have been on higher doses, but I think that higher doses are not good for working and driving and are potentially destabilizing.

I think I am afraid to call the doctor because I am afraid that, whatever he suggests will make me worse before it makes me better, and I cannot afford to be worse, to be less functional.  But also because my faith in medication is pretty low right now.