I watched the Ice Dancing competition- later, after it officially aired on TV so I already knew who had won. It didn't matter. It was so beautiful! And I realized that I have lost touch with my sense of beauty in the world. It isn't as big a part of my life- or as big a source of joy- as it used to be. And I need to fix that.
I actually liked the Russian's dance the most, who took bronze. It was the most ballet-like, and I love ballet. But all of the top three were so good. How to choose? The judges did.
Today the weather is almost spring-like. I did a short walk and had a massage and did some banking. I actually cooked a chicken breast and had a healthy dinner of a salad with chicken. I did my meds and supplements for the week- no small feat. I take quite a lot of meds, and just as many supplements.
Last night I tried to cut down on the quarter of a milligram of klonopin I take at night along with my Ambien- I thought maybe I could just cut it in half (and maybe this would lead to needed less Provigil...) But I didn't sleep, I got up and took even more klonopin that I would have normally just to get to sleep.
I can't wait to see my psychiatrist on Thursday to talk about this and to try to appeal this. I need to be able to make plans. There is an 8-week mindfulness workshop that I want to take- but it is $500. I won't if I need the money for Provigil. I have someplace I want to go on vacation- but I can't afford it if I am paying for Provigil. I just need to know.
I was thinking that maybe there was something natural that I could take that could take the place of Provigil. But then I realized, if anything natural was anything near as good as Provigil, it wouldn't be legal.
Anyway, I'd rather think about ice dancing. And the wonderful massage that I had today. What will be will be. Today was a good day.
I had never even heard of ice dancing but happened to see a little of it and then have you tubed my way through a huge amount while not sleeping. I think it is one of the most athletic things I have watched and so beautiful. I really have enjoyed it. I think partly it is so neat because an untrained eye can see differences; maybe less so with the full Olympics (which I haven't yet seen b/c I haven't found them) but with the competitions with a greater skill range I can see differences in speed and different things and see more who is better than I can tell who is best. I've been glad to have something new to enjoy while being awake.
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