Frustration

I am back to taking klonopin in the afternoon. I didn't have the same anxiety today- I didn't go out for lunch as we stayed in for a staff meeting. Instead I felt irritable and depressed. Not tolerable if I was going to finish out the work day treating patients and doing notes. Perhaps tolerable if I could have been home in bed. 

A quarter of a milligram helped a lot- and I almost wished that it didn't. I don't want to be taking this stuff again. But I don't want to feel like this. I thought, momentarily, that maybe I need to go back up on my lithium or zyprexa. And then I remembered that I have lost 10 pounds in the last month without dieting- and before this I was gaining despite my best efforts- and then going back up was no longer an option. 

I'll find a way to make this work.

I have mood swings that are about things- and then I have mood swings that are just biological blips. These aren't about anything- it is frustrating- there isn't anything I can do to make things better. It is just spring.

Physical therapy actually wiped me out. They added a lot more exercises. Then I did the bike twice- the second time waiting for my therapist- who never came and someone else worked on me. But my back feels really good. They were good exercises.

I think I feel ready to go back to yoga- as long as I do not do a morning class. My back is still not good in the morning- but not like it was. Interestingly, the pain in my fingers is almost gone today- and my resolution to see a rheumatologist is wavering. But I have asked my step mother to find me the name of a good rheumatologist. I hope she can find someone reasonably close. And who takes my insurance.