I'm home, and it's okay I think

I got up super early and went into work and got a lot of notes done- it was so much better than yesterday. I still didn't get them all done, I do have my limits. And I didn't leave before my boss came in- really early- so she knows I am not going on vacation. I am going to go in tomorrow to finish up.

I can't imagine being on my vacation, really. I just want to chill out. I did call my therapist- only to have her tell me that she is away this week. I haven't called my psychiatrist, but I might- haven't decided. Because I don't know what I want. I am still taking a little Zyprexa just to make it through the day- but I don't see this as a long term thing. I really don't want to raise meds. So why else call him?

What I did do is call an acupuncturist. I have wanted to try that for my depression. I have an appointment for tomorrow. He is also an herbalist, but I do not want to take herbs with my meds. Unfortunately, my insurance doesn't cover this and it is pretty pricy. But if it helps, I suppose it will be worth it. As long as it is not indefinite. I wonder if I can use my health savings account for this- I have to look into that. Although really, what is in there is already spoken for once my deductible turns over again in July.

An out of network psychiatrist, an out of network therapist, non-approved Provigil, and now an acupuncturist- no wonder I can make this much money and be broke. 

I am thinking of changing therapists. I feel like therapy has been less useful recently- and I think a major reason is that I am going less frequently- which is what I feel I can afford. Once a week would be $500 a month- and now that I am spending $450 a month on Provigil, I just decided that I couldn't.

I want to find an in-network therapist. I just don't feel up to making phone calls right now. Maybe tomorrow. 

I am really seeing so many factors that lead up to this- I think it started in March when I got sick and then hurt my back and got really behind on paperwork and never recovered, and stopped going to yoga. And then other things, including med changes, have piled on. But insight only gets you so far- I still have to deal with it. I even wonder if my thyroid has been an issue- as I was hypothyroid at my last lab test, and recently started synthroid.