Just normal insanity today

Today was total stress- and I felt totally stressed. I had to leave work early to go to the dentist, and even though I went in an hour and a half early, I didn't get done what I needed to get done. Treat patients. Do paperwork. Sent out for some specialized equipment for a couple of patients. Answer e-mails. Dash out the door. And then a text from work- certain papers can't be found, are they on my desk? I think about going back in to look- but that is the real insanity. I am staying home.

At least the dentist went okay. No cavities or anything found. Just a cleaning.

Tomorrow I don't start until 10am- which will give me time to go in early to do notes. The plan is to walk before work, even if just a little bit. I'll see how that goes.

Tomorrow I see my therapist. I haven't seen her in 3 weeks. I think this is my last month- my deductible turns over in July. And I haven't quite figured out what I want from therapy. Or how to get it. What I want is to have better habits, to be more organized, and to get involved in more things outside of work. But it seems that when we work on this it isn't helpful- and I just wind up feeling bad about things that I said that I want to do, but didn't do, when I go back to therapy at the next session.

I want to have a clean apartment and a social life and exercise regularly and to be caught up on all my paperwork at work. Is that too much to ask?

Well, that is what I wanted help with, but it really didn't help. I really only had one therapist who helped me with that kind of stuff. She was pretty amazing- and I was much more dysfunctional at the time- but she helped me get organized enough to apply to OT grad school.

I would be open to trying another therapist if they were in-network, but I don't know how to find good therapists- and whenever I blindly try in-network therapists, I wind up with someone pretty bad. I just don't want to go through that again. I live not only in a state where many doctors and therapists don't take insurance- but I live in a very wealthy part of it, so they really don't. And I can't blame anyone for not taking insurance - I just can't afford to go out of network anymore for therapy.