Rough day

Yesterday I felt so depressed that today I am back up to 300mg of Effexor. I don't even care what my dosage is- I just want to feel not depressed but not so numb that I lose my motivation and ability to act. I don't know how to get there. 

Today I had taken the day off- I thought I would go tubing on the river with my mother who is still here. She opted out due to concerns about her osteoporosis. I would up doing pretty much nothing today, and feeling in a terrible mood. I think we keep clashing in small ways, over and over again. We are such different people with different lives, and there is too much history between us. If I am not in a good mood to begin with, I cannot handle her. 

She also has to talk constantly. I need quiet. When I walk out of the room for some quiet- she follows me. There is no subtlety with her. She doesn't get hints. How can I be related to someone who talks so much? And yet, I think my mood problems come from her side of the family. There is a big component of her in me.

Tomorrow we go to visit my brother and family. I am looking forward to that. It will be something good. I get to see my niece!