I left a message on my therapist's voicemail. I didn't think I had been seeing him long enough that I had to do it in person, and I was glad that it went to voicemail and I didn't have to actually talk to him.
I tried to be very pleasant. I guess I still have memories from the time I left an angry message on my psychiatrist's voicemail and the police and an ambulance show up at my door. I didn't want anything like that happening! I didn't even want a return phone call, and I didn't leave my phone number deliberately. He hasn't called back. I don't know what therapist etiquette is- if someone quits over the phone, are you supposed to call them back? I don't know.
I have thought a little about going back to my last therapist- but even if I had the money I just can't imagine spending $125 a session when I no longer have any out-of-network benefits. So I think I will go without for now. I don't have the patience to keep trying out therapists.
I think I was in a better mood today. Still struggling with anxiety/agitation, but not nearly as much as on the 100mg of Lamictal. I am taking little bits of klonopin- so tiny that I think half of the effect is placebo, and that is enough to take the edge off of things. I feel more awake, more alive. It is good. I am not feeling despair. I did not wish to be dead today, and that is an improvement.
I completely understand what you're going through. When I sent an angry-ish email to my therapist, he had the police visit me that evening. I think it was more power play than concern, so I dropped him simply by never going back. He never tried to reach me either. And I'm good with that.
ReplyDeleteI found the medicine did no good for me but did deliver the range of side effects, so I weaned myself from them too. Now I'm trying to brave it out on my own, and mostly it's worked. I have some really dark times when I think about going back, but mostly I just wing it.
Good luck to you.