Back home

I spent almost a week at my mother's. My brother was there too. We had scheduled the trip because she was supposed to be having surgery this past week, but that had been cancelled after her last MRI. But we went anyway to support her and go with her for second opinions, to get her port put in for chemo, for her appointment with an alternative doctor, to organize and copy documents, etc. It was good that we went. And good to go away.

I feel like a bad daughter for saying that. But it wasn't even my mother that was the problem, it was my grandmother- who has a mean streak and I never got along with, and now that the is old and her memory is going when I get angry I can only feel guilty, I can't defend myself. And the drama in my family, between my mother, sister, and grandmother- who all live together- it just too much for me. I hate conflict.

I feel incredibly guilty that I will not be there next Thursday when she is supposed to start chemo. I don't have a lot of PTO left. I do have 12 weeks of unpaid PTO that I can take- but I don't want to take it too soon , because that is all that I can take. And if she is going to have 3 months of chemo and then surgery- I can't use it up all now.

I also have doctor and dentist appointments in September. And I am trying to save up money for unpaid leave. I have enough money for 1 month. I need two months more.

My boss asked me if I wanted to move to Atlanta. I felt like she was trying to get rid of me. I don't know if that was her intent or not. I feel like I should move there, I just don't want to. I don't like it there. Plus if I start a new job there I won't have any FML for a year.

I have to stay at my current job until January to get that little bit of a pension I will get, before they froze it and went to a 403b. I don't know if taking a FML changes that, if I would have to stay longer. I should ask HR. Also, with my implants, I think I don't get the actual teeth until March- so I will at least need to be coming back here until then.

When I have thought about moving, it has always been about moving closer to my brother and nieces. Never farther away. But for now I am staying put.