Monday, July 11, 2011

I Believe in Abilify

I have upped my Abilify, and life is bearable again. The depression is not totally gone, but it is not agony anymore. And in a week, I'll be on vacation. Maybe that will pull me out even more. I'd like to think that something other than drugs can help me- especially the antipsychotics. But damn, they work so well. And the antidepressants by themselves are not enough- plus they make me manic without a good dose of my zyprexa.

The antipsychotics are the only meds I am not at peace with, that I keep trying to lower my doses of, that I don't want to be on. Between the weight gain, fear of tardive dyskinesia and other brain damage, who would want to take these drugs? Except that before I went on them, I was in and out of hospitals and had no life.

The antipsychotics are bad for your brain. But, as my psychiatrist reminded me, so is untreated depression. So I can't win. I'm going to have a damaged brain no matter what I do.

Meanwhile, I take lots of antioxidants and various supplements that I think will protect my brain. And I've started taking metformen because of the weight gain- which has helped some, but it is a little too late.

For now, I am just glad that I feel better enough to function a bit.

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