Saturday, November 14, 2015

Setting the bar pretty low

I saw my psychiatrist last week and I told him how well I was doing. Afterwards I wondered if I had really meant it- I am still pretty miserable. But I realized  that I no longer want to kill myself, and haven't in the past month or so, and compared to where I was a couple of months ago, that is quite a bit of progress. So for me, not being suicidal is doing well, I guess. I hope that is not as good as it gets.

My mom is still doing reasonably well although the tumors are progressing and she is starting to have more digestive problems from not being able to absorb her food as well. She still thinks she can beat this, and is trying a lot of things. She feels overwhelmed, and I would to with all that she is doing. That is one of the reasons that I can't be there. I don't think she is going to beat this.

This week I had a mammogram. I am not even sure I believe in them with all of the recent research, but I did it. I decided, though, that if they found another thing that had to be biopsied or followed with ultrasounds that wasn't cancer that I was going to stop having them.

The violence in France is pretty awful. Extremist Islam is really scary. During the Reformation, Christians managed to kill off a third of the population of Europe using swords and bows. What will these Islamists do with access to machine guns, bombs, and weapons of mass destruction?


Anonymous said...

Sounds like you're making progress. My dark thoughts come and go in waves. Right now, I don't see checking out as a sensible alternative. By tomorrow, it might seem urgent. I think I hate that the most. The cyclical nature of this hateful disease.

Unknown said...

So glad to see you posted. I've been wondering how you were handling everything. I can't imagine what you are going through.

Did you wind up trying the Latuda? It sounds like you've been through a lot psychiatrically, as would be expected, so I didn't know you would try a change then or not.

I've been thinking about you lots.


Jean Grey said...

I decided not to go with the Latuda. The "pro-cognitive" effects seem to only occur at higher dosages, and I don't want to take higher dosages. Plus I was concerned about EPS and TD, and thought it wouldn't do as much for my insomnia and anxiety so I would need more meds.

I am doing better now, but I am basically burnt out. I need a vacation desperately, only I am not going to get one, because I am saving all my PTO to go visit my mom.