Monday, December 12, 2016

My complaint with the universe

I got off of disability, and started working as an occupational therapist, just a little over 13 years ago. When I started working it was hard, really hard. But it was exciting, too, to be working and self-supporting and feeling like I was making a difference. And I thought that it would get easier as time went by.

And I can't say that nothing has gotten easier- but to a large extent it hasn't. I was going to go in early to do notes this morning (because paperwork hasn't gotten easier), but I haven't because I can't get into the shower (showering hasn't gotten easier). Life is still very hard- and I don't know to what extent I am just not very good with things (likely at least some of the case with my notes and learning disabilities), still having residual depression/anxiety/agitation, having side effects of meds that make me struggle more with initiation, or simply having never learned (or unlearned) the ability to do things during long episodes of being ill.

Once you are working there really aren't very many resources available to you as a mental health patient. Medication and private therapy. I finally found a private therapist who takes my insurance- not an easy task- and I have have had all of 2 sessions. But I think it will take time until she really understands what I am struggling with.

I'm not sure therapy is really going to help me that much. Maybe I need to try again to find a DBT group. I don't know what I need.

1 comment:

paullamb said...

Took me forever to find a therapist with my insurance. (Lots of therapists, but the hours were bad, or the specialized in children, or they never called back.) I go in tomorrow for my first session. I'm not hopeful