Saturday, December 1, 2012

New day, better day

I did have that glass of wine last night. It turns out I had a bottle of wine from when my mother was last here- we bought a couple. I made some improvised sangria- I filled a wine glass half with raspberries, drizzled them with honey, added cranberry juice cocktail, and then filled the rest of the glass with red wine. It was good. And I chilled out. And went to bed early.

Today was a much better day. I managed not to hold on to yesterday's depression. I did find my mood plummeting pretty badly in the early afternoon for some reason, but then it got better. And I was at a course all day, I have no idea what was going on. I think I am too tired of trying to figure my moods out. Is it food? Is it sleep? Is it life?

That is one of the dialectics- just going with the flow of my emotions vs trying to control them. I use medication, do light therapy, get enough sleep, try to eat well, etc. I try to control things. And yet, at the same time, in the moment, I have to just go with the flow, and accept that no matter how much I try to do right, it will never be enough to always be feeling good. It can be hard to accept.

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