Today a lot of little things and a couple of big things, plus not too much sleep the night before conspired to put me in a terrible mood today. I actually left work 15 minutes early, as my last patient did not show up. Paperwork will be finished on the weekend.
It was the first day I really felt that bad at work. I couldn't finish my notes. I had to get away, once I no longer had my patients to distract me. I actually felt good while I was treating patients, I just couldn't deal with the down time.
I didn't really know how to make myself feel better. I ate dinner, and sat and watched the news- not recommended. I suppose this is when you have a glass of wine or a drink, but I am not in that habit. Instead I had a crumb of a klonopin, which took the edge off of what I was feeling, but didn't really make me feel good. Next time I think I'll go for the wine.
I wish I had a bathtub. Then I could take the warm bath that everyone talks about. I felt too guilty to eat ice cream or anything bad- so I just ate too much of regular food. I should have gone for ice cream.
I just feel exhausted. Physically exhausted. Like I don't want to move. I'm lying in bed right now, listening to music. And I want something more.
What did I think, that the depression was never going to show its head again? That going back to work would be a piece of cake? There are reasons why people go on disability, there are reasons why I was on disability.
But one day is just one day. As they say, tomorrow is another day. I'll try not to prejudge it. It could be awesome.