Hard weekend

I had a couple of upsetting things this weekend and wound up paralyzed, getting nothing done other than a load of laundry. And just now I had an upsetting conversation with my mother, and I want to turn off emotionally.

I believe in alternative medicine- I really do. But it isn't always enough. And when you need surgery, you need surgery.

My mom sort of believes in alternative medicine- but I really think it is more of a way of rebelling against conventional medicine rather than a full understanding of the alternatives. And she is rebelling right now.  I had called to tell her that curcurmin was good to take- that is has been shown to increase apoptosis of cells in bile duct tumors. Although I didn't know if she should take it now or wait until after her surgery.

And then she started going on about all the second opinions she wants- not from oncologists or surgeons but from alternative people. She is not sure about the surgery. She does not want to be pushed into this, rushed,etc. And allopathic medicine is out of date, there are better things out there that can strengthen her whole body, etc.

She doesn't know how lucky she is that this tumor is resectable. Most aren't. What is true is that, even when they take it out, more people than not will have a recurrence somewhere else. But if they don't take it out she will be jaundice again in a few weeks.

Yes I do think she should have a second opinion. This is major surgery with a long recovery. Is it needed? And is she really a candidate for it- is it really resectable?  Or has it already spread too far.

I should never have gotten my airline tickets this far in advance. I don't know if the surgery will take place as scheduled. And I just can't think about it. My mom is very stubborn and rebellious, as well as suspicious, especially when it comes to the medical establishment. I can't make her do things she doesn't want to do, she will just get more stubborn. I have to step away.