When misery is not depression

My mom is sick, really sick. I am miserable. I have not had one suicidal thought.

Pre-op testing showed that my mom had jaundice. She has had a lot of unexplained digestive issues for months, with a possible diagnosis of autoimmune pancreatitis- but that was never clear. She never had a colonoscopy because of a very long wait- it was supposed to be in a couple of weeks. I can't believe they didn't get her in sooner. Plus she has dilated pancreatic and biliary ducts- which is often seen with pancreatic cancer, only they didn't see any cancer. Still, she needs to follow up every few months because of the high risk.

So now this. I am guessing an obstruction of her bile duct. I just talked to her- the doctor said the blood work does not suggest autoimmune pancreatitis. And that was one of the better options. Now I am scared. She had an ultrasound yesterday, an MRI scheduled for today.

I have my tickets for Tuesday night- for the surgery she was supposed to have on Wednesday. It isn't going to happen. But I'll go anyway.