Sunday, October 30, 2016

Still in my loop

I still haven't decided what I am doing about the Vraylar. But I won't start it now anyway- not until another weekend. And next weekend I am at my brother's, so it will be at least 2 weeks away. Could I really get off of Zyprexa? I have tried so many times, failed so many times. But what I have done this weekend is cut my Effexor, and it seems to be helping. I think I was blaming the wrong med for making me tired and out of it- it isn't the half milligram of klonopin I take at night, it is the Effexor I take in the morning. How low will I go? I don't know. So far no increase in depression.

Westworld is on tonight, my current favorite show. I don't watch a lot of shows- Mr. Robot, Game of Thrones, the Daily Show, and now Westworld. It has even given me a way of thinking about my life. I am living in a loop, just like the "hosts" on the show. I need to break out of my loop. Because it isn't a very big loop, and it isn't a very happy loop. And too much repetition.

Today is my monthly Costco trip to fill my Provigil. And to buy as much food as I can for the coming month, because I am not into grocery shopping these days. That is one of the first things to go for me with depression. It's not in my loop!


Unknown said...

I've heard good things about Vraylar. It wasn't a good option for me so we didn't even try to get the seemingly-impossible-for-Cleveland-clinic doctors samples to see if I could tolerate it (because of too much risk of EPS I think) last year but I've known several people on it and they've been happy. One is really thrilled to have gotten off Zyprexa fairly easily and the Vraylar is working well.

Glad you're back. You've been in my thoughts.


Jean Grey said...

Good to hear from you! I've wondered how you are doing.

Unknown said...

I'm actually doing quite well. After all the years of meds clozaril has finally made a big difference for me as has gabapentin. We're still trying to get a balance with the doses so that I don't need 10-13 hours of sleep per day but for now the penalty is worth it although I still hope we can adjust it so that I have more awake time. I'm falling asleep more easily now that summer is over so hopefully that will be a step in the right direction.

I still cycle pretty constantly but it is so low level now that it just doesn't matter much. Compared to the rest of my life it is nothing most of the time. I did have a round of depression a few months back but even that was manageable which is all I can really ask for.

I am just very thankful that something finally worked and hope it continues. It's not perfect; there's no way I could work or anything like that and I'll be letting my OT license expire in June because it's not worth $500 to prevent that when nobody thinks I'll be able to use it again. But functional is good and I am that as long as it is small tasks.

Hope you are having a good time with your brother's family.