Life isn't all roses

That's what my grandmother has told me so many times. Trying to lower my expectations about life, thinking that I am depressed because I expect too much. Is she right?

I had a very good studying week, when I all I wanted to do was study. And then I came home Friday after work feeling burnt out, and did nothing. And I have done nothing all day Saturday, pretty much. OK, I cleaned for 15 minutes. Yes, I timed myself.

And I went online and read my blogs and news sites about the end of the world (no wonder I am depressed) and then tried to get some basic info on the oxygen content of our atmosphere and how rapidly it turns over and how vulnerable it is to things like deforestation and the burning of fossil fuels- but that will really have to wait until a later date.

The end of the world is coming- it''s just a matter of timing. And timing makes all the difference. Are we good for a decade or a billion years?

The problem is, the human species has been given way too much power to change our environment- but as individuals, we have way too little power. In a world of 7 billion people, it makes not one drop of difference if I get rid of my car and become a vegan- and I am not powerful or well-connected enough or charismatic enough to get the majority of the world to follow me in any kind of a movement. As individuals, we can't solve this. And collectively, we can't solve anything.

But I am not intelligent enough to figure out if we are in for a slow or a fast collapse. Is anyone? I know there are a lot of people out there who think that they know one way or another.

But it will be slow enough that I need to study for this exam! And I can only live in this world, in this society. I'm not going to cash out my 401K and buy some isolated property and learn to farm and "prep." Not because I don't think that is a realistic thing to do- but because I think I would be lousy at it.

I think all these things- but it doesn't change a whole lot for me. I haven't figured out how to live my life differently, or to what extent I should. I still have the daily grind. I still drive a car. I still eat meat. Actually, I was a vegan for a while, until I went on the MAOI's and then there were so many foods I could no longer eat, like soy, that it just became too complicated, that I stopped.

I think life is too complicated, that is what I think.