Sunday, August 21, 2011

Today is Better

I'm feeling a lot better today. I'm back up to the full dose of 10mg of Abilify- this is my 3rd day at the full dose. I've been doing the light therapy for a week. And this morning, I feel like something has shifted, I feel tremendously better. I feel at peace. I actually did dishes this morning.

I hate to admit that I need so many meds. I mean, TWO antipsychotics? Am I that crazy? Apparently so. I think t0o many people are taking too many meds.I think antipsychotics are overprescribed. I think that polypharmacy has gotten out of control. And yet- it works for me. 10 years ago I was in and out of psych hospitals, on disability. Now, while my life is still very hard, I haven't seen the inside of a psych ward for 8 years, and I am working full time. Well, actually I have seen the inside of a psych ward- but as an occupational therapist treating patients, not as a patient.

I am probably on the least sedating "cocktail" that I have been on in years, so I shouldn't complain. If I can forget the weight gain- and I am no longer gaining (just haven't lost), the side effects aren't too bad, probably the best they have been in a while. Long term effects, yes, I worry about. But lets face it- I never thought that I would live this long (or want to live this long). And I almost didn't. So I'm really living on borrowed time. Without meds, I think I would have killed myself by now.

So I need to stop messing with my meds. Yes, keep taking all of my supplements, hoping that they will mitigate the bad things that my meds do- but I need to agree that for 1 year I will not touch my medication dosages.

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