A bumpy ride, but things continue to improve

I'm having a lot of ups and downs, but things are generally improving. In fact, I have an i-phone app to track my depression, and two days ago I finally made it into the mild-moderate category for clinical depression (having started in severe clinical depression territory).

Meds definitely got me through the worst of it- but having a supportive boss, a good job, a new niece- all these things definitely helped too. And now I am trying to wean myself off the last of my Zyprexa increase back to the 5mg I had been taking prior to all of this. That is what I took last night- and didn't sleep very well, but did sleep some. I've managed to get off the ambien while on the higher dosages of Zyprexa, and don't want to go back on it if I can help it.

I'm also trying to decrease my Effexor. It hadn't been my highest priority, but my blood pressure is up, and I might have to add another blood pressure medication. I don't want to do that. I take a very high dose of Effexor, 450mg, and high dosages of Effexor can cause high blood pressure. I have had 3 days of 375mg- cutting back on my night-time dose (cutting a pill in half). The first two days I woke up depressed, but it passed. No physical withdrawal symptoms, which is good. Today I woke up with no depression.

I hate thinking about meds this much. But I'm still trying to figure it out, so I guess I have to think about it. Especially if I want to be on less medication.

There was a time when I left it all to my psychiatrists to figure it out. It didn't work out too well for me! I was in and out of hospitals and on tons of meds. But perhaps I have bad psychiatric care to thank for making me more proactive about my own care, and realizing that I am my own best expert.

This is not going to be the year that I can try to do too much with med reduction. I have to be studying for a certification exam that I am taking at the end of the year on top of full-time work, it is going to be a very difficult year. If I can get down to 5mg of Zyprexa and maybe 225-300mg of Effexor, I'll be happy. Or so I say now...