Saturday, April 7, 2012

I think I need to get a life

I have been so focused on meds the past few months. I hate that. And, after all that, I think I have concluded that I am staying on almost everything- but I have lowered my Effexor (which helped my blood pressure), and I have lowered my ambien (which helped my morning sedation). Everything else seems to be staying. I can't go below 5mg of the Zyprexa without paying a price- and I seem to have even worse cognition on lower doses- so I am not going to try anymore for the time. I need to get a life for a while.

Recovery has to be on my terms- even if I am not sure if it is really recovery if I am still taking meds. And if I can't be one of those people who gets off of meds and thrives, so be it. Maybe I have been on meds for too long.

I want to go back to taking my meds, and not really thinking about it most of the time. Sort of like taking my vitamins. And then just getting on with my life. When things are bad, maybe that will be the time to try to go off of them again. But I'm not going to make myself bad going off of them when things are relatively good. I'm just not going to do that.

So, issue resolved! At least for now. You know how my mind works, we'll see if this lasts.

Current meds:

Zyprexa 5mg
Effexor XR 300mg
Wellbutren XL 150mg
Zonegran 300mg
Provigil 400mg
Ambien 5mg

It's too much, I know, but I've been on much worse.

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