Sunday, April 15, 2012

It doesn't matter

At some point, it doesn't matter how your feel. There are a minimum number of things that need to get done if you don't want to be in an institution. And I have to go in to work, no matter how badly I feel, if I don't want to lose my job. I have to do paperwork.

As I get more and more depressed, more and more things get dropped. But some things can't be. And when I am very depressed, it is pretty much only the "have to's" that are getting done, not anything else. Not many of the things that would make my life better. I don't have the energy for that anymore. I have too many have-to's.

When I was on disability, my therapist (who I generally loved- the one good one), told me that she thought that I could work eventually, but she didn't know if I would ever be able to work full time. And I thought that was overly pessimistic. But more and more, as I work full-time and continue to struggle- I am thinking that she just might be right.

I have to think about this.

But first, I have to get dressed and go to work.

I am never going to feel like going in on a weekend to do paperwork, so there is no point in waiting until the mood strikes- it won't! Just go. Because it needs doing. Regardless of how I feel.

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