I found myself dreading my therapy session tomorrow. Because I didn't want to admit that I haven't done much studying. Because I didn't want to admit that I went back up to 5mg of Zyprexa, at least for the moment. I just don't want to have to explain myself to anyone, if I don't want to.
And I know what I am doing with meds for the next month or so- nothing! No changes. I have come down some already, I will just try to maintain that. At my next vacation, I will reduce something a little bit more. But this is going to be a very, very long process. And I suspect I won't be able to get off of everything.
And I think I also did in therapy what I have to periodically do- which is to tell my story of my crazy past. OK, so now what? She's not the person to discuss my concerns about meds with. I don't want to do DBT. Now that I have found a support group, even if I do not get myself there every week, just knowing it is there- I feel like I am less in need of just a supportive relationship.
I don't believe in therapy forever, at least not for me. And I have certainly had a lot of therapy. It is time to stop. I know what I need to do to make my life better. Whether I do it or not- it is up to me.
Plus, I won't have to be taking money from my parents for therapy.
Am I wrong about this? It is not often that I find a therapist who I like, and who has been useful. Most of them are really bad. Do I want to give this up before I am sure it isn't going to help anymore, especially when I am getting help paying for it? And maybe this forced weekly social interaction is a good thing?
I don't know.