Wednesday, October 10, 2012

Learning to live in the gray

My mood has been rocky recently, and I have to fight the thought that my depression is no better, because I really know that it is. But it isn't always. I have good times and bad times- before, it was pretty much all bad times, there weren't any good times.

I have to learn to accept that I can have these bad times but it isn't the end of the world. I am never going to be perfectly happy, and my brain knows all too well how to be depressed. But I can try to learn not to get caught up in the bad feelings, and to treasure the good feelings more. And that is what I am trying to do. 

It all sounds good, but it is hard. Because I know that this week my mood is worse than last week. And it is discouraging. I think it is partially the seasons changing. I think it is partially that my mom is still here. And maybe partially because I was trying to go down on the Effexor- but we cut it down by such a small bit, it shouldn't matter. However, I'm giving up on that.

And in 3 weeks I am going back to work! But I actually want to, I actually miss it. I'm just scared that this depression isn't done with me- that going back to work is going to bring it back full force. But otherwise, I really want to go back to work. Well, in 3 weeks. No need to rush things!

So probably 2 and a half more weeks of program. 2 and a half more weeks to learn DBT! 


Jodi @ Heal Now and Forever said...

You'll do some work on it all in 3 weeks and then do more recovery while you are working. It is the best case scenario to be able to practice it all in real life.

ashmc2 said...

You are very strong Jean. Plus you have a plan. Attainable goals and rational understanding mean so much to people like us.