Wednesday, October 3, 2012

The Dialectic

I am in a day program right now that is very DBT-based. And I am liking it. Which is strange, since the last time I tried DBT, at least 12 or more years ago, I hated it. But I think it was a bad program, and I was in a very different place. They even kicked me out of the group!

My therapist would kill me. She has been trying to talk DBT with me for a while, and I have been resisting it. And now I am open to it. I am just in a different place.

DBT is all about dialectics. And I think I was missing something about DBT. I thought they were telling me to not judge- which is just idiotic. For me the dialectic is that I can't judge in the moment, minute by minute, second by second of my life. That is not being mindful, not being effective. That is not even possible- in the moment you can't judge what is effect very often. But eventually you do have to judge. you do have to make decisions.

So if my first day of the program I had decided to judge whether or not the program would work, I really wouldn't know. I might have said no. Or yes, but I really wouldn't have known. But a few weeks into the program, yes it is time to judge. Is it helping? If not, then I have to make decisions, do something else. Like when I decided to leave a job I hated.

Acceptance vs Change. Judging vs Non-judging. Living in the moment vs planning for the future. Letting go vs Control. Some of the dialectics.

I do like DBT, and I really didn't think that I would.

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