Thursday, July 25, 2013

A little thing which is a big thing

I just made plans for something for next week.

For so much of my life, I have been afraid to do this, because my history of sticking to future plans is pretty bad. I will make plans when I feel good- or because I feel like I "should" be doing something- but I cannot predict my mood a week from now and it is frequently bad. So I have become gun shy about making long range plans. I even have booked vacations I never went on because I was just too depressed when the time came.

But I scheduled an appointment for a week from now, and I did not feel any hesitation, any worry. I just did it. I guess I am starting to trust this.

The view of the world when depressed, and not depressed, is just so different. I can think about the future now, at least a little. I can make plans without that fear.

I know I have to take is slow, not expect everything of my myself all at once. Otherwise I'll start judging myself, which really gets me to a bad place.

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