Wednesday, August 13, 2014

A death, amongst many

People are dying of Ebola. In skirmishes  between resistance fighters and the army in Ukraine. From ethnic cleansing in Iraq.

And Robin Williams killed himself. Surprisingly, that doesn't touch me very much. My step mother called to ask me how it affected me. She said that some of her friends with depression were affected- or felt validation- that this showed the world how bad depression can be, and how hard it can be to hang on.

I think I put Robin Williams in the "celebrity realm" and it doesn't touch me. They inhabit a separate world in my mind. And I am not a part of that world. What celebrities do- it never seems real. Even this. If my neighbor did this, I would be terribly affected. But an actor/comedian? It doesn't seem real. Which is probably not being fair to celebrities. I'm sure their lives seem very real to them.

And I was never sure I liked Robin Williams. I liked a couple of his movies- but most of them seemed too tame, not him. And yet his standup comedy was both genius and uncomfortable to watch at times. He went too far into that strange place. Too far for me.

I'm sorry things were so bad for him. He must have been in a lot of pain.

Fortunately my thoughts have not been that dark recently. In fact, I did something life- affirming today. I gave blood. I used to- but after I moved several years ago I got out of the habit. It turns out that none of the drugs that I take are contra-indicated for blood donation.

I always have this image in my mind when I give blood: A depressed person is in a car accident, needs emergency surgery, and gets a transfusion of my blood (with all my meds in it). And then the person wakes up feeling better than they have felt in years!

It is funny- I am normally fine with blood. I do wound care, change dressings, watch surgeries, etc. But when I give blood, I cannot watch the blood going out of my arm into the tube and into the pouch. I feel like it is my soul that is leaving my body. So I just don't look.

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