I just want to take medicine that my insurance won't cover. I want to see a therapist and psychiatrist that my insurance won't pay for. I want expensive dental surgery. And now I want to be rich for another reason- today I thought about quitting my job, without having another job to go to.
Maybe it was just a bad day. I was just feeling truly burned out- as I do on those days in which the focus is not on patient care. My boss kept telling me things I should be doing better, that our department should be doing better, we could be doing better... mostly having to do with documentation, answering the phones, etc. And every time she would say something, something in me shut down, and I didn't know why I was there.
My mood was really bad today- I couldn't emotionally defend myself against anything except by shutting down. Actually, what I really wanted to do was to cut- it has been so long since I have done so, but every now and then I have really bad urges, even now.
What I want to do now is to sleep, but it is too early- it never works if I go to bed too early. I have been sleeping so badly recently.