Today I did a couple of loads of laundry and not much else that was productive. I watched TV, thanks to the "on demand" feature from my cable company. I watched the Syfi Channel's "Helix" and then the movie "Closed Circuit." They were both good.
But mostly I felt too tired an drugged to do anything. I couldn't sleep last night and took a extra half of a klonopin- and it seems to have affected me more than usual. I felt really out of it today. I hated that feeling. Next time I think I'd rather not sleep.
I called my mother, who I hadn't talked to very much in a while, and told her I had been depressed. And I told me step mother, who I am close to. These are big steps- because really I haven't told anyone. Not even my therapist- except to tell her that I am too depressed to go to therapy. It feels better to have it out there
The next person I really have to tell is my brother, because I still haven't sent him and his family his Christmas presents. It is pretty bad. I think really I started getting really depressed over the holidays, and I didn't feel like telling anyone anything about being depressed around the holidays, and then I just kept up with the silence about it.
Tomorrow is a big day. I have work, and I have to go in early to do paperwork as I did not go in over the weekend. I signed up for an evening yoga class- my first in a few weeks. And then I really, really have to go grocery shopping because I am down to eating my backpacking food and there isn't much left of that. I have been drinking way too much coffeemate- I only use it when I am out of milk for my coffee, which seems to have been for forever.
Some people stock up on emergency food for natural disasters- and that is always what I thought I was doing. But I wind up eating my emergency food during my depressions. It is just a different kind of emergency, I guess. But I had better stock up before the next blizzard or hurricane! Or the next depression.