Friday, August 23, 2013

One of my weaknesses

I need to be more assertive.

I have been remiss in not being assertive enough with a co-worker. I wasn't sure how far to go in correcting a situation in which my advice was not asked for- but I did not go far enough.

It really is one of my weaknesses- my lack of assertiveness. I am better than I used to be, but still have a lot of room for improvement.

You could never guess the manic rages I have had. No one would believe that I have been in four point restraints. I remember a nurse once telling me that I was a very angry person, and that I had an anger problem. And I remember telling her (screaming, of course), that she had no idea who I was, and that I was not an angry person.

Mania was not me, did not feel like me. I knew that these rages did not mean that I was an angry person (other than in the present tense). Depression, unfortunately, does still feel like me. There is no little voice in my head telling me that this isn't the real me. In fact, the depression tells me that the is the most real me of all, the deep down authentic me.

But really, we are many things. We are always in flux. There is no real me- it is just a construct, a story I have about myself. It should be a comforting one. So why do I tell myself such bad stories sometimes?

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