I never know when to make plans. Do I just give up on planning because I don't want to be unreliable? But then I would have no life. I think there is no right answer.
Anyway, I couldn't get out of the house to go to my Dad's for Easter. And it was my idea to have us all do Easter dinner. I called early to give notice- but that only meant there was more time for them to try to convince me to come.
If I didn't desperately need a shower I might have made it. Or maybe not. But that was the thing that I knew I couldn't do at the moment. The next thing on my "get out of the house" list. Not that I had any idea what I was going to wear- but I hadn't come to that yet.
I felt so bad calling it off. I need the drug that will let me take a shower and get out of the house. I haven't figured out what it is. Something that won't make me too sedated or too anxious. But it there was such a drug then everyone would be taking it.
Last week I had a day so bad I wished I did (illegal) drugs. I wanted a drug that made me feel good- because I couldn't quite remember what feeling good felt like- and I needed to remember that so I could know that there was a reason to keep going with life.