It was a bad weekend. I did a couple of things but mostly not too much. Depressed and felt like I couldn't move. Decided it might be meds- took less of one thing- and the next day even worse. I think I am going to keep things the way that they are. If I stay on the higher dose of Zyprexa, I am more likely to get off of the last bit of klonopin and the ambien, anyway. But I can't do this anymore.
The problem with being on meds- when I feel bad I don't know what needs to change. What could make it better. Could meds (or less meds) make me better? I want to tinker. Try this, try that. But in the short term, tinkering usually makes me feel worse- and I don't stick with it long enough to see it through. I don't have that kind of time right now. So for the moment I will work with what is, and try to fix other things in my life.