I watched "Oblivion" tonight, I rented it from my cable company. It was a good movie, just up my alley. It took a while to figure out what was going on in the story. Now my brain won't turn off. How will I sleep?
I was looking up the movie on Wikipedia (and made a donation to them- who knows how much longer I will be able to do such things). It stated that one of the actresses had been in the the movie "Never Let Me Go." I did not even know it was ever a movie! It was a truly disturbing, haunting book that I couldn't stop thinking about when I finished. But it was a really good book. Another book where the reader really doesn't know what is going on until the end. But if I knew it had come out as a movie, I would have gone to see it. I think..
I suspect that my cable company doesn't have it. I may have to get netflix.
While I was looking at the on-demand menu on my cable, they were showing scenes from Homeland. The female agent is being told by her father that she didn't miss something or other because of her meds- but she is saying that she missed catching something because of what her meds do to her. And in the next scene, there is the obligatory toss your meds down the toilet that any story about people with bipolar has.
I have stopped meds, but I have never tossed them down the toilet. I just stick them in the back of the panty. Hey, I might need them someday- even if it is to overdose the next time I decide to kill myself. But 5 years after the expiration date I will toss them.
It is not crazy to want to stop your meds. It is hard to know if you are more impaired on your meds or off of the. I do know that Provigil helps me to be less impaired by my meds. If I have to take less Provigil, I think I have to take less meds.
Back to my provigil dilemna. I think that if I quit therapy, I might be able to afford my provigil. And if I really, really find myself needing some kind of therapy- maybe I could try harder to find someone in network. It hasn't worked so far. But I could try.
But what I really want to do is try to appeal it again, and write in a letter myself, detailing my problems with ritalin, detroamphetamine, and adderall. I just don't know if my insurance company will take a letter from me- but my current psychiatrist was not my doctor during the times when I was on these drugs- so how would he be the better authority?