Wednesday, February 19, 2014

I have to stop this

At my higher Zyprexa dose, I blamed everything on being on too much Zyprexa. Now that I am down to 5mg again, I have a shift in mood and I think I have to go back up. I even did over the weekend because I got so obsessed over my Provigil situation- but then I regretted going up. Now I am back down, and feeling good.

I have to tolerate the blips, as long as they are not another depression or a serious hypomania coming on. I have to remember that the studies that show going off of antipsychotics improves outcomes do not show that it helps in the short term. Only in the long term. In the short term I may feel terrible at times. I don't know if I will actually totally get off of it- but I need to hold the line somewhere, and for now that will be 5mg. And I think I need to turn to klonopin before more Zyprexa, if need be. I only take a quarter of a milligram at a time, generally, which isn't too terrible. To think there was a time when I took (and was prescribed) 10mg of klonopin a day. I was very manic at the time.

Work is better on less Zyprexa, it really is. I think that antipsychotics take something from you- a little bit of  your edge, your initiative, something. But it can be very subtle. Everything becomes harder. You have to try that much harder to function. Of course depression does the same thing- so pick your poison.

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