I've been in a much better mood for the most part since I got back from Florida. I got upset a couple of times over things, but that hasn't lasted.
I've also figured out my Zyprexa dose. I'm back to 5mg down from 7.5mg, I went down over vacation. My mind is so much clearer on the lower dose I realize that it really is no contest as to which dose I should be on long term. I think maybe there were some advantages to the higher dose in terms of managing my emotions at times- but I can take a little extra prn or some klonopin if need be. And generally, just having my head feel clearer is making me feel less depressed. I feel more competent, and like more things are possible. Things aren't as hard. Even my paperwork is not as hard.
I also recounted my Provigil and realized that I have less than I thought. I'll be out at the end of the month. I think I'll be buying mine from Costco mail order, it seems to be the best price. Yesterday I was obsessing over it again. I think that I will try one more appeal, though, to my insurance company. The last time we tried I was too depressed to appeal the denial. Plus I was still able to get it from my overseas supplier at the time, so it was not as big an issue.
The amphetamines give me tachycardia recently. I think that is because I take a large dose of Effexor, which is an norepinephrine re-uptake inhibitor. I suspect that if I took a straight SSRI, I could get away with taking an amphetamine again. But that is a huge change to make just to get off of Provigil. Provigil increases dopamine, but not norepinephrine as well like the amphetamines do. I think that it is the double increase of norephinephrine from both the Effexor and the amphetamines that caused the tachycardia. But that is just my theory. I somehow don't think my insurance company will be impressed by it.
Today is a lazy day. Laundry. Cleaning. Grocery shopping. And trying to finish my book! I have to finish it! I can't stop thinking about it. Tomorrow I'll go to church, the gym, and in to work and do paperwork. It is a fact of life that I just have to accept: going in on the weekends to do paperwork.