Wednesday, February 26, 2014

Why do I do it?

I try to take as little klonopin as possible these days. I can sometimes get a little bit of a rebound effect the next day if I take it. I don't want to be fuzzy- although at the doses I take it these days I am usually not. But mostly, I think I have it in my head that if I don't take the klonopin, I will some how get stronger and not feel so anxious, or at least get better at handling the anxiety.

Well, the anxiety has gotten pretty bad this past week, and I think it has to do with equal parts work stress and the days getting longer: more sunlight. I have been very anxious some days. Today I was really tense and anxious- and it just got worse and worse as the day went on- with the result that I practically fled at the end of the day after work instead of staying to do notes as planned, and I have been good for nothing all evening. Finally I broke down and took a little klonopin, and I am feeling much better.

I have to accept this med thing. I need meds to function at the level at which I want to function. Even the meds I don't want to take.

1 comment:

Unknown said...

Have you ever tried orange glasses? They have to be a very specific color and I had to order them from a specific place to be sure they were right (they are for welding) but they decrease blue light and thus decrease agitation from it. They work well for me and when I was working and therefore not able to control how much light I got I wore them at the end of every day and decreased my annual June mania to a low hypomania that didn't need treatment. They also can be used while using a computer or watching tv, which both emit a lot of blue light.

LEt me know if you want more info. It's a cheap fix (about $10 with shipping I think). My only problem is that they are way too big but i have to wear them over my real glasses so that helps a little. I have a really small face though so many things don't fit me that fit most adults (hats, glasses, dental equipment, anesthesia tubes, etc.)

Just me