Tuesday, November 25, 2014

But medication can fix everything!

I know that my psychiatrist was making a joke, but he smiled so brightly when he said this that for a moment I thought he was serious. And I think he thinks this more than I do. Meds don't give you a life- at best they make it possible to do the things to have a life. But if you have been sick for many years, if you lost the life you had- or if you got sick very young and never had a great life to get back to- then meds are not going to fix this. If you have forgotten how to be a human being, or never learned key skills growing up, meds are not going to fix this.

My psychiatrist might say I'm dysthymic. He was really pushing to see if I needed any med adjustments. And I'm glad he did- sometimes when I am telling myself that this has nothing to do with meds it is me falling into depression and justifying to myself why I feel so miserable. But I know that it is impossible to medicate away this dysthymia for any length of time, if that is what it is, and I'm not sure that it is.

Anyway, things will stay the same for the next three months. At least that's the plan. That is what my prescriptions are written for and that is when I see him next. But a lot can happen in three months.

Today I am totally exhausted. I got up early to see my psychiatrist and then had my late day at work. Only to find that I wanted to be on the internet looking up breast calcifications and biopsies on google. There is also a possibility that I will get in to see the surgeon tomorrow- if anyone cancels due to the snow they will call me. Otherwise I have to wait until December 9th. It is a long wait.

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