I think I am going to have to give up coffee if I stay on Nuvigil- or at least switch to decaf. Coffee is one of my favorite things in the world, and it usually has more of an antidepressant effect for me than an anxiety-producing effect (unless I really overdo it). But it really seems apparent that my anxiety kicks up a notch, and I find myself reaching for the klonopin, after I have my coffee. And I drink it twice a day.
It wasn't as bad on the provigil- perhaps because I space out the doses. Nuvigil does feel a little bit stronger. Although on the higher dose of Zyprexa, I kind of need that in the mornings to get me going. I am hoping that higher dose isn't for too long- but I am still too vulnerable to go down I decided this week. When I was doing my meds this week, I was trying to figure out what dose of Zyprexa to put into my pill box.
I still haven't called about the appeal for my Provigil- I have been wondering if Nuvigil is better. But mostly I don't know when to call as I am at work during the day and don't think that there is anyone to talk to outside of work hours. At least anyone with the authority to do anything. I still don't know anything about the process or if I have any chance of getting approved.
I am looking to find a new therapist, one who takes my insurance. I don't really know how to find one, other than the psychology today website. I think it is probably in bad form to ask my current therapist for a recommendation. But I am totally not changing because of her, I am changing because of changes to my insurances. I suspect that she may have other clients who may leave too, as my hospital is a big employer.
I want a therapist who has some experience in DBT or ACT or some kind of mindfulness-based therapy. I want a therapist who has experience working with people with serious mental illness and won't freak out when I say how bad things are.
I got a notice in the mail about getting my mammogram. And I want to skip it. I can't imagine doing as something life-affirming as looking for cancer and maybe treating it so that I could live longer. But if I don't get it, my PCP will just hound me, and I really don't want to explain all of this- so maybe I will just go.