I'm glad I stuck it out

I made a couple of minor med changes over the past two days. Yesterday I was still feeling very numb- and thinking that this is not acceptable and I can't risk another day of this and getting nothing done. But I was still hoping it was temporary, and possibly because I had messed up my Effexor (it didn't feel like Zyprexa numbness), so I kept at it- and today I feel good. The numbness is better. My mood is pretty good.

I am at the higher dose of Zyprexa- and I realize that when I started going to yoga and doing things it was at the higher dose, and that when I went back down to 5mg I stopped going to yoga. So I am back at 7.5mg. The only way I can do this is to take all of my Provigil at once in the morning, instead of breaking it up- but it seems to be lasting enough of the day that it is okay. And I am not taking any klonopin, except for that quarter of a milligram at night to help me to sleep. I think klonopin is destabilizing for me- I get rebound effects. I hope that I can get off of that last little bit of klonopin.

I don't even want to be taking Zyprexa- but if I am going to be taking it, I want to take enough of it to really make me better. Otherwise, why bother? I'd love to take no meds- but I think I will die of old age before I could wean myself off of all of them, so I am stuck with them. I am going to use them.

I have a lot to do today. I am doing laundry. I have to do dishes. I have to go visit my dad- and it is over an hour's drive each way. I have to go in to do paperwork. I have to work on my inservice. And I have to write my Provigil appeal.

The price has dropped into the 200's again at Costco- but it is still much higher in the other stores, and I don't want to be at the mercy of market forces. It would be so nice to have the Provigil covered. Especially as the deductible for my health insurance is going up by $500 next year and my psychiatrist fees won't count towards it. And I still haven't decided if I will continue with therapy- my therapist will not be covered and I hate switching. I hate trying to find someone good. And trying to explain my life to someone new.