Thursday, June 25, 2015

I quit therapy

I left a message on my therapist's voicemail. I didn't think I had been seeing him long enough that I had to do it in person, and I was glad that it went to voicemail and I didn't have to actually talk to him.

I tried to be very pleasant. I guess I still have memories from the time I left an angry message on my psychiatrist's voicemail and the police and an ambulance show up at my door. I didn't want anything like that happening! I didn't even want a return phone call, and I didn't leave my phone number deliberately. He hasn't called back. I don't know what therapist etiquette is- if someone quits over the phone, are you supposed to call them back? I don't know.

I have thought a little about going back to my last therapist- but even if I had the money I just can't imagine spending $125 a session when I no longer have any out-of-network benefits. So I think I will go without for now. I don't have the patience to keep trying out therapists.

I think I was in a better mood today. Still struggling with anxiety/agitation, but not nearly as much as on the 100mg of Lamictal. I am taking little bits of klonopin- so tiny that I think half of the effect is placebo, and that is enough to take the edge off of things. I feel more awake, more alive. It is good. I am not feeling despair. I did not wish to be dead today, and that is an improvement.




1 comment:

paullamb said...

I completely understand what you're going through. When I sent an angry-ish email to my therapist, he had the police visit me that evening. I think it was more power play than concern, so I dropped him simply by never going back. He never tried to reach me either. And I'm good with that.

I found the medicine did no good for me but did deliver the range of side effects, so I weaned myself from them too. Now I'm trying to brave it out on my own, and mostly it's worked. I have some really dark times when I think about going back, but mostly I just wing it.

Good luck to you.