I have a patient who I have treated several times- a really nice guy- and I found out that he is in the hospital and it doesn't look good. It is sudden and very sad. But that is what happens when you work in healthcare with people who have a lot of medical issues. And some people touch you more than others, they just do.
It's funny- sometimes when I cry I feel relieved that I am crying- that all the meds I take have not made me so numb that I can no longer cry. Sometimes I wonder.
And sometimes I wonder if I drank if I would need less meds! No, I don't mean if I were an alcoholic- just if I came home to a glass of wine. I wanted one today. I had the busiest, most hectic day at work and even during lunch I had to go to an infection control inservice so I couldn't do the other things I needed to do. When I went home, I thought I'd really like a glass of wine. But I just don't like the way I feel the next day when I drink- plus with all of the meds I take I really shouldn't, if only to save my liver. So I didn't. Even though I do somehow have 3 bottles of wine. At least one was a gift from a patient.
Fortunately I do feel relaxed now- with no wine or no klonopin either. But if I had to pick wine or klonopin after a hard day at work- I'd definitely prefer wine. But I'd really prefer neither.