I decided I'm going off the Lamictal, although not all at once. I'm taking my night-time dose but didn't take the daytime one this morning. And most of the day my mood was just awful- although I did feel more alive. But then by evening my mood switched, and I started feeling good. Better than I had in days.
Yesterday I saw my therapist and it just wasn't useful- he doesn't get me, he is wrong about things. Like when I was telling him I can't do anything after work because I am so drained he thought it was low blood sugar and that I should eat an energy bar. Really, it is not that. Just like my racing thoughts are not ADD. And I am not irritable because I am feeling better and therefore expecting more of the world.
There were so many things that he didn't understand- like my trouble taking showers and grocery shopping when depressed- that I started to wonder how many depressed patients he has treated. His attitude is that you just have to make yourself do it, and eventually it will get easier. Well, I don't need a therapist to tell me that. But I beg to differ on the it will get easier part. The next depression I think that taking a shower might be just as hard.
I am going to quit therapy. I will call him tomorrow- I get out from work earlier tomorrow. I just don't think it is going to help. I don't feel understood nor do I feel like I am learning useful skills.