I made my peace with the Zyprexa increase after going down, and having to come back up on it. And now, I have made my peace with my very high dose of Effexor, as I have had to go back up on it. I am willing to take these meds and doses if I need them, I just want to be sure that I need them. For the moment, I am pretty certain that I do. By "need" I guess I mean that they give me a better quality of life by taking them. Although if I gain anymore weight on the Zyprexa, I will really reconsider.
I wanted to get down to 300mg of Effexor. It doesn't do such bad things to my blood pressure. My insurance company will gladly pay for 300mg, but for 450mg I have to get my psychiatrist to appeal. And some psychiatrists don't feel comfortable with such high a dose- once when I was looking for a new psychiatrist because my insurance changed, the person I made an appointment with said that I was taking too much Effexor, he would switch me to Cymbalta. At the time I was doing very well, and had just started working after 7 years on disability. This made me feel very vulnerable- although I was ultimately able to find someone who would prescribe my medications. But not in my plan.
I think I have tried going down on everything that I take. And some of the meds I used to take more of, so over the years I was able to cut down a little. But for the moment I can go no further. And other than the weight gain, side effects are really not too bad- although it is annoying to have to pee so much in the mornings with the lithium. It seems like mornings are the worst- and I take extended release lithium. I wonder if I took instant release lithium instead- if it wouldn't last as long into the day. Or maybe then I'd wake up in the night to pee. That would be really bad.
So I am generally at peace with my meds. I can't make any promises for the future. But for now, I just want to think about life, not meds.
1 comment:
I've found CR lithium works best for preventing desperate pee in certain hours of the day for me. Because I have diabetes insipidus I'm not the best sample but of the 3 it is the one that means I pee a lot around the clock and not so much at inconvenient times. It also gives me more stable blood levels for whatever reason.
Immediate release was the worst, especially when I took it at 12 hour increments. I was on a lot then, I think my level was 1.1, and the drs. kept telling me I'd feel better if I took it hs. I thought they were dooming me to nothing but bathroom trips. Instead I just woke once.
I don't remember ER although I was on that for a long time. I just know it never gave me even blood levels after the first toxicity.
It's hard to know when DI started for me, probably later with toxicity but we don't know, but since I've had it I get up 2 times per night anyway. Ithink. I'm so sedated that I may get up more. I've forgotten that's not normal.
I know it's hard to face the higher doses of meds but I guess be glad they are possible. If coming off topamax causes a crash in the next couple days I will be very, very glad for a psychiatrist who is willing to give me massive doses of Seroquel. I do not want to face the weight gain of 1200 mg of Seroquel but I don't want to feel bad. It's so hard we have to choose something so basic.
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