I made my peace with the Zyprexa increase after going down, and having to come back up on it. And now, I have made my peace with my very high dose of Effexor, as I have had to go back up on it. I am willing to take these meds and doses if I need them, I just want to be sure that I need them. For the moment, I am pretty certain that I do. By "need" I guess I mean that they give me a better quality of life by taking them. Although if I gain anymore weight on the Zyprexa, I will really reconsider.
I wanted to get down to 300mg of Effexor. It doesn't do such bad things to my blood pressure. My insurance company will gladly pay for 300mg, but for 450mg I have to get my psychiatrist to appeal. And some psychiatrists don't feel comfortable with such high a dose- once when I was looking for a new psychiatrist because my insurance changed, the person I made an appointment with said that I was taking too much Effexor, he would switch me to Cymbalta. At the time I was doing very well, and had just started working after 7 years on disability. This made me feel very vulnerable- although I was ultimately able to find someone who would prescribe my medications. But not in my plan.
I think I have tried going down on everything that I take. And some of the meds I used to take more of, so over the years I was able to cut down a little. But for the moment I can go no further. And other than the weight gain, side effects are really not too bad- although it is annoying to have to pee so much in the mornings with the lithium. It seems like mornings are the worst- and I take extended release lithium. I wonder if I took instant release lithium instead- if it wouldn't last as long into the day. Or maybe then I'd wake up in the night to pee. That would be really bad.
So I am generally at peace with my meds. I can't make any promises for the future. But for now, I just want to think about life, not meds.