The waiting game

I went up on my Effexor yesterday. I know it was the right thing to do. I have not been feeling very good recently, just not very alive- even though I wasn't really identifying it as depression until yesterday. I took the higher dose again today. I did feel that norepinephrine kick, it helped- but I know that the full antidepressant effect will take a little bit of time to really kick in. And in the mean time, I am having some side effects going up. I know they will go away, but for now the higher dose is making me anxious.

So I have to wait out the side effects, wait until I get the full antidepressant effect. And be patient with myself in that time. And not let my life fall apart in the meantime- keep doing the things that I really have to do.

I actually think that the higher dose helped my cognition already. It was easier to focus at work. And work went well today, I had a good number of patients. I didn't feel useless. After work I impressed myself by making it to the bank to get cash and quarters for laundry. But then I didn't make it to the grocery store, I just wanted to go home. I stopped at WaWa's (I love WaWa's). I bought a salad, a soft pretzel to eat with hummus, and some milk. And then I came home and plopped in front of the TV.

I watched about an hour of CNN's coverage of the shooting at LAX. These shootings are getting so frequent- MSNBC and Fox News weren't even covering it. But really, there wasn't much to say at this point. CNN is good at saying nothing over and over again. I want to know who the shooter is, what his story is. That is what I want to know.

But I actually think the shooting is big news- because it just points out what I have often said. It easy to attack an airport as long as you do it before you go through security. Airports are becoming "soft targerts," and our security is not set up to address that. I'm not sure you can address that without becoming a police state.