I am loving the spring weather. But sometimes I get a little hypomanic in the spring. And sometimes my hypomania will largely take the form of anxiety. Last spring I really didn't get hypomanic. But the past two days I have eaten my lunch in my car during work- and spent the hour soaking up the sunshine, listening to the radio. And then walked back into the office feeling like I was shaking inside- I was surprised that my hands weren't visibly shaking. I was so anxious.
Time to hit the klonopin again, two afternoons in a row. Just a quarter of a milligram- but still, I thought I was done with it for a little while. I have still been a little anxious when I get home, but manage not to take anything. And at night I take enough meds that it takes care of it so I can sleep.
I can hear my psychiatrist telling me- I should wear sunglasses- that they are "like sunscreen for your eyes." But where is the joy in that? The sun makes me feel good. Except when it doesn't. I'll have to find my sun glasses.
Unrelated- I am thinking of seeing a rheumatologist again. I have had two days of really bad joint pain in my hands again. I get this periodically. I have been tested for rheumatoid and lyme and had an x-ray of my hand and everything is negative- but I can't believe that this is nothing.
I think that part of the reason I never followed this further is the bipolar thing. I don't really want to have a lot to do with medical professionals- especially if I am coming with vague complaints- as I have been dismissed in the past as it is stress or because I am overweight, etc. I think a lot of doctors don't always take mental patients as seriously.
But mostly it is the intermittent nature of this- just when I decide I am going to see a doctor, my symptoms go away, and then I decide to wait. But I have met my deductible for the year, now is a really good time to go.
I might have waited- but my primary care doctor would not do the one blood test that I really wanted- for hemochromatosis. My dad is a carrier. It can cause joint pain. But she wouldn't order the test for iron overload. Although I wasn't really forceful either. That is what I want this to be- because these is an easy fix for this that does not involve taking any drugs- they just have to take blood from me periodically to get the iron load down.
There is a website that will let you order the test for iron overload yourself- and you take it to a lab- but why should I pay when I can go to a doctor and my insurance would cover it right now? I think if I am having joint pain and my father is a known carrier then it is indicated.