Thursday, October 31, 2013

My mood is dropping

My mood hasn't been very good this past week. No yoga because of my back hasn't helped. And it hasn't helped that we are so light at work that I feel bored and useless, and feel brain dead at the end of the day from spending the day doing mostly paperwork. And the seasons changing is always huge for me. Plus, I decreased my antidepressant a few weeks ago. Plus I am trying to diet- not very successfully. I am so incredibly hungry. And it is not like I am eating 1200 calories- I am eating a lot. Just not as much as my body is asking for. It is really frustrating. I don't want to think about food all the time- but the only way to do that is to eat. Otherwise I can't stop thinking about food.

Anyway, after a rough morning I was really crashing, and realized that I had been on a slow crash for a while. I fled to my car at lunch. I felt like I was shutting down, I couldn't think or focus- no energy. I wanted to curl up into a ball. No, I didn't cry. But I did pull out my spare meds (I keep an extra day's meds in my purse), and take an Effexor pill. I'm going up on the effexor again, I had to do something. I couldn't let things keep going like this. But as it turns out, at the huge dose that I take effexors, it really has a little bit of a kick to it with all it's norepinephrine and dopamine effect from the higher dose. So, I didn't have to wait the 3 weeks it takes me with antidepressants usually to get an effects- I had a little bit of almost instantaneous brightening. Enough to get me though the day.

Hopefully that kick won't fade too quickly. I'm going to need it in the coming days, I think. 

Maybe tomorrow will be better. It is at least a Friday. Although I did decide to skip Friday' yoga class. I'll go on Monday, I hope I will be healed enough to go then. But I do have good things planned for the weekend. I am getting a massage, a pedicure, and going to a drumming circle. I haven't had a pedicure in 2 years. I want to get one before it gets too cold. I want to get a really cool color polish, too.

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