Yesterday I came home with a bottle of 30 pills of 250mg of Nuvigil- that I got for free. There is a coupon that you can get from the internet that gives you a month of free Nuvigil- with a prescription, of course. And up to $50 off your subsequent prescriptions for a year.
I had enough reason left to find this website and get the coupon and call my doctor and have him call in the script. That is about all the rationality I had left. Oh- and I faxed him a pre-authorization form, because he couldn't get one from the insurance company, it was busy every time he called.
It hasn't helped that I have been cutting pills. So I couldn't tell what was situational vs. biological, but I have been pretty bad- but very confused. Slipping in and out of occupational therapist mode and crazy person mode. Who am I? I don't even know. And I was taking so much klonopin- quarter milligrams multiple times a day to get through the day. And benedryl at night.
Today I have been much better. Is it the Nuvigil? Is it the fact that I have 30 days to figure things out? Probably both. And I didn't even take any klonopin today. Not that I was fine- I really wasn't. I am still irritable. By the end of the day I couldn't stand still. But maybe that is klonopin withdrawal. But I didn't feel like I needed klonopin.
What was strange was not taking my middle of the day Provigil- I am so used to it. As I was eating lunch, I had this urge to take a pill- because normally I have to be so vigilant about it so I don't forget to take it. It felt like an itch that I couldn't scratch. But I finally got over it.
I am so tired now, I feel drained by everything that has gone on. I want to find out what is happening so that I can appeal if necessary. I think that I have a good case to make. I think that anyone who has been on over 30 psych meds plus ECT can make a good case that they need to stay on something that is working very well. The problem is I don't have dosages and dates, etc. I am 47, I have been on meds since the age of 19. Who would? Especially someone with a mental illness? But that is what they ask for.
Meanwhile the world has gone mad. CNN can hardly decide which shooting or stabbing to cover. The Ebola case in NYC is no longer major news, given everything else happening in the world today.